Negative thoughts + irrational beliefs can paralyze us. They can keep us immobile with fear of failure. They can keep us in a depressive mood with thoughts that things will never get better. They can cause us to treat others with less patience or kindness than we would like.
The worst part is that these beliefs and thoughts aren’t even real. They are distorted cognitions (or thoughts) created by our perception and experiences of the world.
I’ve written a blog post on how you can change your negative/ irrational/ limiting beliefs. But before we can change those thoughts, we must first be able to identify them.
How to Identify and Challenge Distorted Thoughts
Common Types of Distorted Thinking:
Polarized Thinking- viewing a situation in extremes rather than in grey areas. “I am a failure because I didn’t get that job I applied for.”
Overgeneralizations- making drastic conclusions about yourself, others, or the world that are not justified by the evidence. “My ex cheated on me, all men are untrustworthy.”
Mental Filter- focusing only on the negative aspects of the situation or discounting positive things. “I only have one friend, no one likes me.” (Discounting the friend you do have, focusing on what you lack.)
Personalization- taking unwarranted responsibility for other’s behavior or events. “My parents would have never gotten in that car accident and died if we hadn’t had an argument that day.”
Shoulds/ Musts/ and Oughts- having concrete, inflexible ideas about how life, other people, and ourselves should be. (One of the most common types of distorted thinking!) “I should be married by now, I’m 45!” “I must have done something wrong.” “I ought to have known my sister was self-harming.”
Mind Reading- assuming negative thoughts of others without checking for validity. “My best friend is never going to forgive me.”
Jumping to Conclusions- assuming you know the outcome of a situation. “I made a mistake at work, I’m going to get fired.”
Emotional Reasoning- Believing something to be true simply because it feels that way, not taking evidence into account. “It’s all my fault, you can’t convince me otherwise.”
Catastrophizing- Believing the absolute worst will happen without considering other possibilities. “We broke up. I’m going to die old and alone!” (Instead of considering that you’ll date again one day and that this break up doesn’t mean you’ll be single the rest of your life.)
Labeling or Mislabeling- giving someone a sweeping, extreme, unjustified label. “My son is a hopeless criminal.” (When he was arrested one time.)
Seeing this list will probably help you start to recognize where you may have some of these distorted cognitions yourself.
They are very common ways of thinking and we all develop some negative thoughts at some point in time.
If you’re still not sure whether one of your automatic thoughts or beliefs is irrational or distorted, there are some simple ways to evaluate the thought.
If you’re able to dispute it, there is a good chance that it is a distorted thought.
Evaluating a Thought for Distortions:
Can this thought be logically disputed? Look for flaws or jumps in logic. For example, just because your husband didn’t want to spend time together last week doesn’t mean he wants a divorce.
Is there empirical evidence otherwise? Look for evidence that your belief is wrong. For example, your husband was just talking about taking a family vacation last month, that doesn’t sound like he is planning a divorce. Maybe he was stressed from work, had a lot on his mind, and just needed some quiet time to process and relax last week.
As you can see, the example distorted automatic thought above meets the criteria for many of the listed types of distorted cognitions. The wife was jumping to conclusions, she assumed she knew what her husband was thinking, she was catastrophizing the situation, and discounting evidence of the opposite or positive things going on.
Having this list of common distortions can help you easily recognized when a thought your having may be self-defeating, negative, irrational, or dysfunctional.
You can use the two types of evaluating and disputing above to help reframe those thoughts (looking for jumps in the logic behind the thought, and listing evidence that suggests your thought is untrue.)
If this simple method for changing your negative thoughts isn’t enough, don’t worry. Often times we have deeply ingrained limiting and negative beliefs that require more work.
Here is a blog post that goes over the technique for doing that deeper work to change your negative or irrational automatic thoughts.
You deserve to live a vibrant life, filled with self-helping thoughts, kind thoughts, and thoughts that help you make progress in life rather than hold you back.
I hope you’ve found this resource helpful. Do the work required to improve your mental health and life. It’s always worth it.
Love, Laura
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